Fox Contributor Todd Starnes Must Despise Ronald Reagan

Conservative commentator Todd Starnes posted a criticism of President Obama’s 2013 Easter Message stating:

 Obama releases 5-sentence Easter statement — says it’s a time for us to “ponder our common values.”
No, sir. It’s about Jesus. Period.

According to Todd, taking the time to “ponder our common values” on Easter is just wrong. As such, he must immediately take a look at President Reagan’s 1983 Easter Address to the nation.

First, President Reagan also mentions this cockamamie “common values” theme  by declaring “we’re linked in time to the ancient origins of our values.” Then Reagan went rogue by mentioning a myriad of other topics that blatantly flaunt Todd’s “It’s about Jesus. Period.” rule for discussing the Easter holiday.

Additional Non-Jesus Mentions From Reagan’s 1983 Easter Radio Address:

  • Polish labor leader Lech Walesa
  • An East German professor, his wife, and two daughters
  • Central America Communist-inspired revolution
  • Sandinista supporters
  • The San Diego based World War II era ship the U.S.S. Hoel
  • Some brush fires burning in two Australian States

Central America, San Diego, & a labor leader… all crazy talk! What part of “It’s about Jesus. Period.” did The Gipper not understand?

Since it was necessary to point out how wrong President Obama was for asking us to  “ponder our common values”, then surely Reagan’s mere mention of the “c-word”(communism) alone in an Easter address deserves Todd’s condemnation.

The country begs of you Todd Starnes to posthumously put President Reagan in his place for so callously forgetting the true meaning of Easter. This holiday should not be used as another excuse for hippie libtards or RINO Reaganites to be spouting off all that “love thy neighbor” nonsense. Jesus wouldn’t want it and most importantly we know Todd Starnes won’t stand for it!

So what’s the next step in righteously righting Reagan’s wrong? Maybe we should start a Todd Starnes Demands An Official Rebuke Of President Reagan petition on WhiteHouse.gov? Starnes. Jesus. Period!

Trump’s Touted “Youth Apprentice Plan” Still A Mystery

Remember back in December of 2011 when Newt Gingrich and Donald Trump got together, and Trump announced with much fanfare that:

“We’re going to be picking 10 young wonderful children and make them ‘apprenti.’ We’re going to have a little fun with it and it’s going to be something that’s going to prove results.”

CorporateMal.com remembers it all quite clearly, as it seemed like an absurd publicity stunt by one of the least charitable rich people in the country. Nonetheless, I guess helping ten kids is better than nothing. Unfortunately, over a year later we can find no evidence of Trump starting an actual apprenticeship program to help anyone, anywhere.

So Donald what’s the good word? Were you in fact lying back in 2011 about starting a program for impoverished youth? If not, when is this program going to start? You clearly aren’t that busy as you’ve found more than enough time to continue with your thinly veiled racist claims regarding President Obama’s place of birth, sue Bill Maher over a joke, and pretend that beauty pageants are still even remotely relevant. You aren’t exactly spending your days finding a cure for cancer are you?

BTW, just in case you are confused, it is ok to help others when cameras are not present and there is no potential for personal financial gain. Millions of Americans manage to commit acts of charity and kindness in anonymity everyday and it actually works out pretty well for everyone.

A Virgin Dot? We Think Not! A Sweet Scandal Awaits The New Pontiff

UPDATE: It appears that common sense has ruled the day. The “winning bidder” only has one bit of Ebay feedback, which in this type of auction is usually a pretty good indication of a fake/shill bid.

A couple in Turner, Maine made news recently with their discovery of a piece of Dots candy in the form of the Virgin Mary. Desmond and Amy Duguay claimed that they purchased a box of Dots candy at a local Rite Aid drug store and as a joke, put  “The Dot” on the Ebay auction block. At last check it was apparently God’s will that this piece of divine dental destruction should sell in excess of $200. And who said the American Dream was dead?

Corporate Mal did, that’s who! We have uncovered evidence of a possible Dot fraud the likes of which has not been seen since Groupon tried to convice us all to buy their stock for half off the retail price, today only!

The Evidence(ish)

The Virgin Mary Dot as presented on Ebay:

A Dot Candy in the form of the Virgin Mary

A Virgin Dot?

A Virgin Mary Mold as sold on Ebay:

Or Virgin Not?

Now there is no way to know for sure what the real story is behind this piece of piousness. However, we can all agree that as long as there are people like the Duguays and a candy like Dots, America will always be the undisputed leader in delicious delusional devotions.