Rogue Judge Thinks Guilt & Innocence Actually Matter: Citigroup Settlement Rejected

This week federal judge Jed S. Rakoff rejected a $285 million settlment between Citigroup and the SEC. The rejected settlement concerned Citigroup’s selling of toxic mortgage securities to investors back in 2007. Allegedly, Citigroup knew these were bad investments so they bet against their own customers resulting in $160 million in profit for Citigroup and $700 million in losses for investors.

Judge Rakoff seemed particularly irked that the SEC’s settlement agreement did not require Citigroup to admit any guilt or wrongdoing regarding this matter.

Or perhaps the judge was just angry upon realizing he had zero use for the weather balloon he was going to receive with all his Citi “Thank You Points”.

“Harvard Man” Still Gets An “A” For Effort!

Got Into Harvard by Providing False Information & Now Back in Jail

The Harvard Crimson reported that Adam B. Wheeler, aka the guy who falsified his way into Harvard is back in jail after violating the terms of his probation by allegedly submitting a resume stating he had attended Harvard.

Continuing this hoax was not really the smartest move on the part of Mr. Wheeler. What is he – a self-loathing Yale man? Ha! Actually, I can make that joke since I graduated from Yale. Well, that isn’t exactly true, but it is so much easier to just type the four letters in Yale than my actual alma mater which was The University of Phoenix School of TV and VCR Repair.

A quick bit of advice to anyone looking at attending a “for profit” university, you might want to check out your local community college first. If I had done that instead of going to Yale, or as I call it TUoPSoTVaVCRR I wouldn’t be saddled with so much student loan debt that I can’t even afford my own TV or VCR. Thankfully the shelter lets me tinker with theirs after hours.

The SEC Delicately Caresses The Wrist Of Citigroup To Settle Fraud Allegations

The New York Times reports that the Citigroup fraud settlement deal with the SEC may be in trouble. Federal Judge Jed S. Rackoff is questioning the Securities and Exchange Commission as to why the proposed settlement with Citigroup for its alleged role in the selling of junk mortgage securities is so light.

While the $285 million that Citigroup would pay may seem like a lot, it is really little more than pocket change for them and, perhaps most importantly, Citigroup would not have to admit any wrongdoing.

The SEC will get it’s chance to respond to Judge Rackoff’s concerns at a hearing next month.

My guess is that the they will probably ratchet up the penalty by asking Citigroup to also give every Citi credit card holder ten extra Thank You Points. Harsh…

Attention Sushi Lovers: “Chicken Of The Sea” Is Not Poultry!

Some Sushi is not really the fish on the menu i.e. mislabeled according to Boston.com.

By the time the fish appears on diners’ plates, it has undergone a Cinderella-like transformation: the escolar, which can cause digestion problems, is presented as white tuna or albacore – more palatable and pricier fish.

Boston.com writes that the problem with mislabeled tuna and other fish is “endemic” in the area. Given the ease with which fish is shipped around the country and world however, regardless of where you live, you have most likely had some escolar in place of tuna.

While I’ve never heard of escolar, and maybe it is actually better tasting than tuna, the FDA’s warning regarding escolar is enough to make me crave some “Chicken of the Sea”:

…the US Food and Drug Administration advises against the sale of escolar because the fish contains an oil that can cause severe gastrointestinal problems.

Domo Arigato to Boston.com and Sumimasen (or is it Gomennasai?) to those of you who were hoping to enjoy some sushi tonight.

Full Tilt Poker Is A Ponzi Scheme. Not Surprising That Jesus Was On Top

According to CNN.com the Justice Department has charged Full Tilt Poker(FTP) with diverting over $400 million in player winnings to board members and celebrity players including Chris “Jesus” Ferguson and Howard Lederer.

U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara states:

Full Tilt Poker and its board, including Lederer and Ferguson, “defrauded players by misrepresenting that their funds on deposit in online gambling accounts were safe, secure, and available for withdrawal at any time.”

Now Mr. Ferguson, I’ve lost the faith, as this doesn’t sound very “Christ Like”. Did Judas know all along that Jesus was a cheat? Sign up now at JudasPoker.com(enter code: “whoisthebackstabbernow” for a 50% bonus).

Feds Charge 17 Banks With A Touch of the “Fraud” RE: Subprime Mortgage Securities

Or as the FHFA explains it, these loans simply had:

“different and more risky characteristics than the descriptions contained in the marketing and sales materials provided to the Enterprises for those securities.”

I think it is great that the government is finally going after these banks, although, the language they use sounds mostly like someone complaining about a less than truthful Match.com profile.

“Cheryl was nice and all, but to call her build ‘athletic’(see different) was definitely a stretch. Can you be athletic at 5’4″ 217lbs? Plus, what she referred to as an outgoing personality, definitely ended up being more on the manic depressive side(see risky characteristics).”

Civil complaints are a start, but when are the criminal charges going to be filed?